« March 2004 | Main | June 2004 »

April 27, 2004

Eating Ass

Several weeks ago I had the most... unusual dream. It all started when I was on the phone talking to Catalina. She was going off about how much she loved eating her boyfriend's ass, describing very minute details which I did not need to hear. So of course that night I had a dream someone was eating my ass out. But I wasn't enjoying it, you see. The entire time I was more like, "Who's eating my ass?! This isn't right!!" I felt violated. I could hear muffled laughter accompanied by slurping noises, but try as I might, I wasn't able to turn around to see who the culprit was.

Posted by Charlie at 09:25 PM | Comments (1)

April 26, 2004

Mustard and Condoms

This morning I opened my fancypack to find several handfuls of flavored condoms neatly packed inside. And a bottle of Heinz mustard. How they got there, I have no idea.

Posted by Charlie at 12:40 PM | Comments (0)

April 22, 2004

Lucky Me

It baffles me, sometimes, the amount of good luck I encounter on the road to professional stardom. I am a stranger to rejection, really. Save for the botched application to Columbia, I've always gotten into whatever school, job position, whathaveyous that I've applied to. My sister works her ass off, pulling off all-nighters, risking ulcers and premature gray hair. And here I am, sitting on my ass watching television. I find a cool jacket that I can't afford, so I go out and get a job so I can buy it. Man, am I superficial, or what!

So I start this ad position on Monday. Evidently I beat out quite a handful of people to get this job. Lucky me. My soon-to-be boss told me on the phone, "Well, you can sound a little bit more excited!" How can I be excited, when I already knew beforehand that I was going to get the job?

Charlie: egocentric, egoistic, egomaniac.

Posted by Charlie at 09:39 PM | Comments (0)

April 12, 2004

Troubled Times Are Like Waves That Rise And Fall

These days everyone asks that perennially annoying question, "so what are you going to do now?" I could say that I have been catching up on my beauty sleep, sitting on my ass eating cheeseburgers while watching really bad movies. But I don't. I tell these people about the various teaching positions in Japan offered to me. I tell them about the grad schools that I have been meticulously researching. But do you know what? I don't give a flying fuck about Japan or graduate school right now. I am honestly enjoying my down time. There was a point in my life when I was juggling 20 credits, a part-time job, and a student internship all while supporting myself on an apartment that smelled like wet dog. This vacation has been long overdue, and I deserve it, goddammit!!!

So I applied to this advertising position for a firm in downtown Seattle today. I received my bill and realized that in order to sustain my insatiable appetite for $300 Prada Sport track pants, I'm going to have to get back on the 9 to 5 track.

And no, I do not have the runs.

Posted by Charlie at 11:58 PM | Comments (0)