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March 28, 2004

*cough*

I fancy being sick. My self-esteem bursts the roof whenever I catch a cold. Take this morning, for instance: I was standing in front of my bathroom mirror with my hair disarray, dried saliva trailing out of the corner of my mouth, my nose running. I slouched, patted my bourgeoning stomach, took one hard look in the mirror, and said to myself, "Hotdamn, do you look good!" *coughs* "You sexy dog!" *starts dry heaving* "Yeah, you sexy."

Posted by Charlie at 07:05 AM | Comments (0)

March 27, 2004

Dry

I've always been quick to say that a nice hard martini is my best friend. I unabashedly love alcohol, to the point of caressing the stem and talking dirty to the uneaten olives in the glass. Didn't George Washington Carver say something like he loved watermelons so much so that he would personally offer some to Queen Elizabeth? Something like that? Well if that's the case, gin and tonics are my watermelons... or something like that.

Yesterday I read Augusten Burroughs' 'Dry' from cover to cover. In the literary sea of memoirs and essays, 'Dry' stands out like a beacon. Memoir writing seems to be the trend of the moment. But who would argue? Writers have the ability to deftly combine nonfiction with unreal elements of fiction through the platform that is the memoir. By slightly stretching the truth (Sedaris comes to mind) a writer can transform an otherwise dull trip to the park into a Woody Allen movie. That wasn't a good analogy. But readers are sucking up these materials. Take a gander at Lily Burana, Margaret Cho, Arthur Golden, David Rakoff, and Cynthia Kaplan for some other fine works.

What makes 'Dry' stand out as a wonderful piece of work to me, other than the fact of our shared love for a martini, is how candidly funny Burroughs was able to remain even in the darkest of times. His life was anything but a trip to the park. It was, for a lack of a better word, quite sobering to experience through him his daily struggles with alcohol and drugs. Nor was he perfect. But he was real.

I haven't touched alcohol since finishing that book. Of course, it's only been two days. Although I haven't (yet) gotten to the stage of having 400 empty DeWar's bottles laying around my apartment, I don't intend on getting there. Next I see a vodka martini, instead of whispering lovely nothings into its ear, I'll just lightly jab it on the shoulder and say, "I like you very much."

Posted by Charlie at 09:36 AM

March 24, 2004

Springtime

Some people mark the coming of spring with the sighting of the robin. Other people rely on a groundhog's shadow. Others more say the cherry blossoms snowing petals is the beginning of a new season. I say springtime doesn't start until you see a drag queen walk down the street in a spandex one-piece.

Oh how I love Seattle.

Posted by Charlie at 11:57 AM | Comments (0)

March 14, 2004

A Random Occurence of Events

Okay, so like they were supposed to go to the seventh annual performance of Isangmahal, but of course Char-lay misread the schedule on the flyer. After ten minutes of waiting outside a darkened theatre, Char-lay came to the gradual realization that "hey, maybe it's not going to be on tonight!" The look that the undercover cops gave Andrew as he was practicing his petit jeté was priceless. Just... priceless! Char-lay can just hear them now: "why the fuck is that boy practicing ballet at this ungodly hour?! In front of a homeless man, no less!"

Fast forward 2 hours. Char-lay is sitting in a corner with all the other Asians, noticeably buzzed off of Brazilian liquor and happy from all the free food. It was a good thing they almost ran over Amanda! As it turns out she was heading over to her friend Sashya's birthday party. Free food and beer - how can Char-lay pass up an invitation like that?!

Fast forward another 2 hours. Char-lay is shit-faced at this point, doing the robot at RPlace and screaming about shitting in his pants. Jared eyes his catch for the night and Char-lay and Co. (C&C henceforth) decide that their objective is to hookup the two. C&C chases Mystery Boy outside the club, who subsequently gets into a taxicab. They all pile into Booga's car and proceed to follow the escaping cab. Char-lay sticks his head out of the window and screams love songs in a last-minute serenade attempt. "MAAAARK! I LOOOOVE YOUUU! ROBIIIIIE!!! COOME BAAACK!! DAAAN!!! STEEEEVE!!! DON'T GO!!!" C&C didn't really know the actual name of Mystery Boy, but they figured that by going through a list they would hit the jackpot.

But alas, Mystery Boy's cab pulled out of sight. Jared was crushed. It looks like he would have to wait another night to get his mack on. Thoroughly exhausted by this point, Char-lay had Andrew drive him home so he can go pass out. Until next week!

Posted by Charlie at 10:34 AM | Comments (0)

March 08, 2004

At The Stranger Party

Vomiting is sooo faux pas, sooo 1990's. The last time I ever pounded the toilet was probably ten years ago after a really bad case of food poisoning. Note to self: never order a Chinese dish with the word 'Surprise' in its name. So yes, I can proudly say that I've never had to worship the porcelain throne after a hunky-dory night of debauchery. Until last night, that is.

This past weekend I was this *pinches fingers for visual emphasis* this close to spewing vegetable fried rice in peanut sauce all over the street. Was it that one extra vodka martini? I don't think so... I only had three vodka martinis, a gin and tonic, and a Corona. Typical weeknight. Was it all that ass-pounding I was getting from Preston? All that thrusting isn't good for the stomach, you know. It was like sitting on a washer going through its heavy-duty spin cycle. No... I don't think so...

Either way, I had to get home, and get home fast. There's just something about doing it in your own toilet bowl that brings feelings of... sentimentality. The comforts of home. Forget the bush across the street; forget the alleyway; give me my toilet!

Luckily my ten-year record of not vomiting still stands. Of course I had to pay for it the next day with the world's largest hangover. Until next week!

Posted by Charlie at 03:58 AM | Comments (0)